I’m grateful for my pain; it means I’m not one of the lucky ones.

I’m grateful for my pain; it means I’m not one of the lucky ones.

I wasn’t born with the emotional equivalent of a silver spoon in my mouth; I was more accurately born with a healthy tendency towards feelings of depression and hopelessness.

And you know what? I’m completely grateful for this.

This means that I’m one of the ones who’s had to work for it. Happiness did not fall into my life, I am not naturally joyful, and so I have had to learn how to be happy.

Those people, the ones born totally okay, who don’t feel the threat of intense sadness and despair like I often have and do, they don’t have the tools I have. They haven’t learned how to manage their thoughts and create really good feelings, simply because they haven’t had to.

They probably live their life at a nice and steady 60% happy. They’re doing alright, so there’s no reason to question anything. I tend to start out more in the in 20-30% range, so in order to feel happy, I’ve had to learn exactly what to do.

The result of being born one of the crazy people made me to have to learn what kind of thoughts support my joy. I’ve been forced to learn how to create a life that makes me happy, because I would be absolutely wrecked without that. I know the coping skills. I read the books. I fill my life with on-purpose joy all the time, and guess what?

I’m much, much more than 60% happy.

I’m can get to like 90%, sometimes even ALL THE WAY THERE. Sometimes I feel so lit up my feet barely touch the ground. And I wonder, if I wasn’t in that much pain to begin with to make me take action, would I have figured this stuff out? Would I have learned how this all works?

Would I have learned to create my own happiness?

I don’t think so. I would have been humming along, naively content to feel around 60% happy, while all the crazy people of this world figured out how to MAX OUT.

I win. So grateful.

Peace.
Ariel

If you want to learn how to turn your pain into art, you can get my book here.